Finding comfort in the familiar
"Chicken on Wednesday, sex on Friday." Does that describe the predictability of your life? There can be a certain comfort in the familiar -- but comfortable can be another word for "rut."

Making "conscious" loving
Most sexually dissatisfied couples make love "unconsciously." They've stopped using their imaginations and experimenting with variety. Conscious loving is the solution to boredom. Consciously see, taste, and connect with your special someone.

Simple suggestions to get more creative with sex
1. Try something new: It doesn't matter what you change -- the scenery, the lighting, or the side of the bed you sleep on...just change something. My video, Getting Creative With Sex, offers dozens of ideas and games.

2. Take responsibility for your pleasure: Focus on what feels good to you. No one gives you an orgasm and no one gives your partner an erection. You're each responsible for your own good time. You need to be a self-aware lover to have extraordinary sex. Indulge in a sensual massage. Touch each other with your lips or run your nose playfully along the contours of his back. See how many emotions you can convey -- light, tender, passionate, joyous.

3. Face your fears and your embarrassment: We're all uncomfortable with new things, but with practice we become "experts." And don't worry about the "right" toy. The reason there's such an assortment of toys is to meet your different moods and sensibilities. You might think that "good girls" don't but sexually confident women do!

4. Make time to talk about your intimacy: I'm sure you talk about finances and the children's school performance. How about the subject of intimacy? Introduce it in a non-critical way when you're both relaxed, "I'd like to make the intimate part of our lives more meaningful and more fun...let's play a fun intimacy game together."

5. Do the tough negotiating outside of the bedroom: When it comes to negotiating creativity, be sensitive to one another's sexual preferences. If he feels threatened by your vibrator, show him how he can be included by putting the vibrator against the back of his hand so his fingers can vibrate against your special spots.

6. Identify what you want and have the courage to share it: You can't tell him what you want if you don't know. Spend time getting to know your body and his. Knowledge is power and, when all is said and done, an educated lover has more fun.

Dr. Sandra Scantling
Dr. Sandra Scantling is an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Connecticut School of Medicine, Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Diplomate in sex therapy, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, Board Certified Clinical Specialist, and Advanced Practice Registered Nurse.

As a highly respected educator, psychotherapist, and certified sex therapist, Dr. Sandy has used her experience with thousands of individuals and couples to write her latest book: Extraordinary Sex Now: A Couples Guide to Intimacy (Doubleday, 1998). She is also the co-author of Ordinary Women, Extraordinary Sex (Dutton, 1993) and the creator of the phenomenally successful video series: Ordinary Couples, Extraordinary Sex (Sinclair Intimacy Institute, 1994), which has sold nearly a million copies worldwide.