1. Why can't good sex be easier and more fun?
Love skills are learned. Good sex takes commitment, skill, and practice, practice, practice. Show appreciation for your partner by taking time to do something they love. Wear something that makes you feel attractive. Read an erotic story aloud. Play a sexy game together. Discover new ways to be sexual with each other and transform lovemaking into an enjoyable, rewarding, and fun experience.

2. How do you fit love making into a busy lifestyle?
Make a conscious choice to spend more time with the one you love and remember -- making love doesn't have to be a lengthy event. It can include everything from warming up with a sexy video together to sharing intimate conversation. "Drive through" sex is also an option once in a while. If you make your sexual goals attainable and realistic, you'll be amazed at how many opportunities you can find to connect with your lover.

3. The kids are always around so we never have sex anymore. Help!
Get creative with your time and find ways to flirt with each other. Phone each other during the day and say something sweet and make sure to utilize times when the kids are occupied with a video, play dates, or naps -- cuddle or share some intimacy. Make your bedroom a romantic sanctuary with a working lock and teach your children to respect your privacy as you respect theirs.

4. How can my husband and I put some spice into our marriage?
The fact that you're motivated to think about putting more spice into your relationship is the first step. Explore different methods of inspiring each other to desire. Experiment with new ways to touch, romantic music, or sexy videos. Share your fantasies or try a sex toy -- and you'll be on your way to rediscovering passion.

5. Why can't I have an orgasm with intercourse alone -- I always need some other kind of touching too.
It's a myth that there's a right way to have an orgasm. Most women need clitoral stimulation, breast, or other touching to orgasm. Some women find that thinking sexy thoughts or watching erotic films really heat things up. There are many wonderful lotions, vibrators, and toys available to help you achieve orgasm. Why not find a special toy to suit your moods? Give yourself permission to make choices that help you reach orgasm.

6. Why did my love life dry up after the baby was born? It's been over a year.
Pregnancy produces physical and emotional changes -- there are actually hormones secreted during breast-feeding that create vaginal dryness. All this impacts your love life. Fortunately there are excellent lubricants that make genital touching and intercourse more comfortable. Find time to relax and rediscover your sensuality by taking a soothing bath during your baby's nap instead of doing the laundry.

7. Every time we try to have intercourse I have pain. I'm beginning to hate sex. I feel so guilty about depriving my husband. What can I do?
Pain is a signal from your body and it's important to listen to your body's wisdom. All sexual pain should be medically evaluated. There are many products and exercises available that improve comfort during penetration, increase blood flow to the genitals, help develop better pelvic control, and enhance pleasure. Most women discover that certain positions for genital touching or intercourse are more comfortable -- so experiment. And remember, communication with your partner is key to discovering mutually satisfying sex.

8: Am I crazy to think there's more to sex than intercourse? I feel guilty asking my partner to experiment. How can I get him to understand my sexual needs?
Being clear about your sexual needs is vital. Begin by putting yourself in your partner's mindset -- try to understand him and speak his language. Asking or showing your partner what you'd like sexually is important, but word your suggestions positively. Tell him when you like his touch, then suggest, "I'd also like to be touched here..." or in this way. Point to a picture in a sex book and say, "Let's try that tonight!"

9: How can we get the old spark back? Sex has become so boring!
It's true, sex can become routine, but if you try to recreate the old spark, you're likely to miss what's happening in the moment. The past may be idealized, which creates an expectation that neither of you may be able to meet. Try something new -- play a sex game or try a sex toy. If you stay in the present and focus on creating something fresh with your partner, you'll find new and exciting ways to fan the flames of your sex life.

10: I just don't feel the "urge" for sex. What can I do to increase my desire?
If you're experiencing a consistent lack of desire there are many solutions. Desire for sex is more than a physical urge. While hormones are involved, stress, self-esteem, depression, relationship problems, or medication can make an impact. Investigate the source and communicate with your partner. To start, whenever you think about your partner sexually, tell him. Explore sexual enhancers or erotic books and you may rediscover your sexual focus and desire.

Dr. Sandra Scantling
Dr. Sandra Scantling is an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Connecticut School of Medicine, Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Diplomate in sex therapy, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, Board Certified Clinical Specialist, and Advanced Practice Registered Nurse.

As a highly respected educator, psychotherapist, and certified sex therapist, Dr. Sandy has used her experience with thousands of individuals and couples to write her latest book: Extraordinary Sex Now: A Couples Guide to Intimacy (Doubleday, 1998). She is also the co-author of Ordinary Women, Extraordinary Sex (Dutton, 1993) and the creator of the phenomenally successful video series: Ordinary Couples, Extraordinary Sex (Sinclair Intimacy Institute, 1994), which has sold nearly a million copies worldwide.